Hair Trouble

A quote says "a woman's crowning glory is her hair". What does that even mean? I have unmanageable hair. Does that mean I have no glory. Perhaps I have disheveled glory.
Regardless, I made the effort to keep my mane under control. I have straight and fine hair but growing hair defy the law of gravity. Two to three inches of newly grown hair shoot out in every direction like weeds. I've had this since I was younger so it does not bother me that much anymore. But in the interest of public service, I know I still have to make my hair presentable.

Here are the things I tried that did not work:

1. Combs
Round Brush, Rectangular Brush, Cheap Brush, Expensive Brush
Fine-tooth Comb, Wide-tooth Comb, Ordinary Comb, Cheap Comb, Expensive Comb

2. Devices & Implements
Hair Dryer (works until the wind blows)
Hair Iron (does not reach the roots)

3. Shampoo & Conditioner
All brands from Unilever, Proctor & Gamble, Colgate-Palmolive
Other Local Brands
Imported brands
Plain Shampoo
Shampoo with a separate conditioner
Shampoo and conditioner combined

4. Other Hair Products
Gels
Hair Wax
Pomade (eeew)

5. Hair Treatments
Hot oil
Hair Spa
Rebond (I wish I spent the money on clothes instead)

6. Hair Accessories (to hide the situation)
Hairband
Clips
Hairpin
Cap

7. Hair Cut
Long (up to my waist with the hope that the weight would bring down standing hair)
Boyish Haircut
Ear Length
Shoulder Length
Layered
Straight

8. Hair Style
Hair Parted in the Middle
Hair Parted to the Side
Braids
Ponytail
Semi-ponytail

Let's see, I haven't tried perming my hair or cutting it really short as in nearly skinhead. But I have yet to muster my courage to do these things.

Oh, I just thought of another option. Why not make Einstein's hair the "in" thing. In that way my hair is in fashion and I don't have to do anything else. The Genius look! Hahahahahahahahahaha!